Announcing new, peer-led Ex-POSA Support Groups!
Ask any partner or therapist who's ever started a partners of "sex addicts" support group (or POSA Meeting) and you're bound to hear them mention the challenge of supporting women who are staying their marriages some time after discovering their mate's sexually deceptive behaviors –and-- supporting women who want to leave their unsafe, still-abusive relationships...all within the same meeting. It can be a challenge at times, other times the divergence doesn't seem to significantly impact the quality of the overall meeting experience for attendees.
Still, as much as all partners have in common, namely, being victimized by chronic betrayal and psychological manipulation, invariably, the differences in their trajectories can sometimes manifest as tension within the group. I recall in one particular POSA meeting I was chairing, there were 9 women present who wanted support or encouragement that they would survive the end of their relationships and only one woman attendee who was still hopeful about her marriage being able to survive after D-Day and the multiple slips she continued to discover. I noticed this partner was growing visibly agitated during the meeting whenever the other women shared their feelings about leaving, which ranged from heartbreak that years of his recovery efforts amounted to nothing, to fear about starting over again, to relief at the prospect of freedom from any more D-Days. After this particular meeting was over, the woman who was intent on staying married approached me privately and angrily demanded to know, "Why aren't there two types of meetings offered? I don't want to hear women talk about leaving their marriages when I'm doing all I can to find support for staying in mine!"