POSA™ Blog

PoSARC or The Partners of Sex Addicts Resource Center educates, nurtures and helps partners work with the challenges of being coupled with a sexually deceptive, chronic cheater.
Lili Bee has not set their biography yet

Our Review of A Beautiful, Terrible Thing: A Memoir of Marriage and Betrayal

a_beautiful_terrible_thing_jen_waite_posar_20170901-163406_1

A few weeks ago in The New York Times, reviewer Meghan Daum writes up a new book dealing with infidelity discovered by a trusting wife (author Jen Waite) and the fall-out from that, as well as the steps out of her private hell with her chronic cheater. From the New York Times review of A Beautiful, Terrible Thing: A Memoir of Marriage and Betrayal:

"Author Jen Waite retraces her steps through a relationship that first gives her the "strange sensation of seeing the world in color for the first time"  but eventually reveals itself to be a series of setups at the hands of a master manipulator….the memoir is a study in "gas lighting"—making someone feel that she is crazy or only imagining things….
Waite has a knack for showing the ways that cognitive dissonance can chart pathways in the mind that cause emotional confusion to obscure rational thought…
By the end, she has decided to pursue a degree to become a therapist specializing in women recovering from sociopathic relationships…the book works best when Waite is sharing what she learns about destructive personality disorders and what makes certain people vulnerable to those that have them.
"
Continue reading
995 Hits
2 Comments

Is Your Partner Watching you on Social Media or other Online Sites?

office

​By Lili Bee & Cassie Kingan

Not a week goes by when a partner doesn't e-mail us with requests that we start either a Facebook page that's private, or else create a Forum where members can share their experiences of betrayal trauma with one another. We get asked to begin (or approve of) online PoSA meetings so geographical distances no longer stop PoSAs from meeting and supporting one another. We very well understand the allure and need for that.

While there are other reasons we wholeheartedely recommend PoSAs meet in person rather than online, the single biggest deterrent to us setting up such arrangements is that it becomes very difficult to stay ahead of techology in such a way that members would always be guaranteed their anonymity will be preserved. One only need to see the News and look at the data leaks occurring with increasing frequency across many major networks.

And then, there are the internal "leaks"... 

Continue reading
1452 Hits
8 Comments

Positive Illusions Allow Partners to Miss or Overlook Dishonesty

Because almost all of us were so blindsided by Discovery, we spend weeks, months, even years trying to piece together the "hows, whens and why's" of the deceptions generated by our chronic cheaters. 

In attempting to create an orderly narrative out of the chaos that our mate's betrayals brought into our lives, we swing between trying to stabilize ourselves— and—trying to fathom how we missed their deceptions playing out right under our noses, usually for years. 

Often, our sense of ourselves as formerly perceptive and/or intuitive can evaporate as we survey the breadth and depth of what are often incredibly elaborate deceptions unfolding in our relationship, unbeknownst to us.

Continue reading
4155 Hits
4 Comments

Greetings from our New York blizzard today!

What a perfect day to get out and 'play'….

An almost empty Fifth Avenue
Continue reading
824 Hits
0 Comments

A Reader's Poem on the eve of her 16th Anniversary

Waiting for Divorce Papers on our 16th Anniversary

submitted by Sandy M.

We were cleaning up our game of checkers, our daughter beaming with pride as the conqueror, as you first laid eyes on your new conquest across the dark bar.

I slipped her Strawberry Shortcake nightgown over her head, as you discreetly slipped your wedding ring into your pocket.

"Come on sweetheart, let's go brush your teeth," I coaxed, as you flashed Her your most coaxing smile.

I looked into our daughter's beautiful brown eyes- your eyes- and talked about plans for the next day, as you looked into Her eyes- brown? blue? green? and planned your night with Her.

Continue reading
1537 Hits
3 Comments

Many Blessings from PoSARC

Many Blessings from PoSARC

Many Blessings to Everyone & Everything this Holy Day season ️

May we move into becoming more of our true, radiant selves in the upcoming new year

--PoSARC

Tags:
1417 Hits
2 Comments

Finding Gratitude this Thanksgiving

Finding Gratitude this Thanksgiving

The learning curve for partners finding out about their mate's deceptive sexual behaviors is steep indeed.
When we stop and consider all that a partner has to learn just to survive the betrayal trauma, it's rather staggering. Then, generating all of what's necessary to move from barely surviving to finally entering more ease and well-being, however long that takes, it should be enough to invoke awe in anyone privy to that partner's experience.

As I contemplated all this today after a client's session finished here,
I thought about how far this client had come and how much grace she had acquired after learning how to survive in the hostile territory that her husband's repeated betrayals and manipulations had landed her in.

I got to thinking how fortunate I was to witness her soul-deepening process.
It hasn't been even a tiny bit easy for her; partners stories never are.

Continue reading
Recent Comments
Patt Bothel
You know, I thought I set this up to only show my first name. But there it is. I don't need to hide. This is not my shame. Dea... Read More
Tuesday, 27 December 2016 22:50
Laura
Reading this today did make me realize how grateful I am for the incredible progress I have made, with many helpers such as this s... Read More
Friday, 25 November 2016 04:57
1530 Hits
10 Comments

Your Questions Answered (Video): “Why Do I Stay?” The Biochemistry of the Loyalty Bond

Your Questions Answered (Video): “Why Do I Stay?” The Biochemistry of the Loyalty Bond

In trying to shed light on the most common questions our readers and clients ask, we often find "Big Themes".

This week we will explore one such big theme, the "Why do I stay?" question which partners often ask themselves at different points along the way: right after Discovery, and if the shattered trust in the Betraying Partner is not being met with earnest efforts demonstrating remorse and repair within some time after Discovery.

Continue reading
Recent Comments
Kathy
I found this video at just the perfect time, when I had once again confronted my husband about his recovery and once again feeling... Read More
Thursday, 13 April 2017 15:05
Chianna
Hi Lili! I'm new to this awesome outlet of support you've created on here. As I've become more familiar with your posts and videos... Read More
Sunday, 04 December 2016 00:59
2955 Hits
37 Comments

PoSARC Heart If you’ve read anything that inspired you here today, please consider making a small donation to keep this site up and running and free of annoying ads