POSA™ Blog

PoSARC or The Partners of Sex Addicts Resource Center educates, nurtures and helps partners work with the challenges of being coupled with a sexually deceptive, chronic cheater.

Is Your Partner Watching you on Social Media or other Online Sites?

office

​By Lili Bee & Cassie Kingan

Not a week goes by when a partner doesn't e-mail us with requests that we start either a Facebook page that's private, or else create a Forum where members can share their experiences of betrayal trauma with one another. We get asked to begin (or approve of) online PoSA meetings so geographical distances no longer stop PoSAs from meeting and supporting one another. We very well understand the allure and need for that.

While there are other reasons we wholeheartedely recommend PoSAs meet in person rather than online, the single biggest deterrent to us setting up such arrangements is that it becomes very difficult to stay ahead of techology in such a way that members would always be guaranteed their anonymity will be preserved. One only need to see the News and look at the data leaks occurring with increasing frequency across many major networks.

And then, there are the internal "leaks"... 

Continue reading
787 Hits
4 Comments

Positive Illusions Allow Partners to Miss or Overlook Dishonesty

Because almost all of us were so blindsided by Discovery, we spend weeks, months, even years trying to piece together the "hows, whens and why's" of the deceptions generated by our chronic cheaters. 

In attempting to create an orderly narrative out of the chaos that our mate's betrayals brought into our lives, we swing between trying to stabilize ourselves— and—trying to fathom how we missed their deceptions playing out right under our noses, usually for years. 

Often, our sense of ourselves as formerly perceptive and/or intuitive can evaporate as we survey the breadth and depth of what are often incredibly elaborate deceptions unfolding in our relationship, unbeknownst to us.

Continue reading
2342 Hits
3 Comments

Your Questions Answered (Video): “Why Do I Stay?” The Biochemistry of the Loyalty Bond

Your Questions Answered (Video): “Why Do I Stay?” The Biochemistry of the Loyalty Bond

In trying to shed light on the most common questions our readers and clients ask, we often find "Big Themes".

This week we will explore one such big theme, the "Why do I stay?" question which partners often ask themselves at different points along the way: right after Discovery, and if the shattered trust in the Betraying Partner is not being met with earnest efforts demonstrating remorse and repair within some time after Discovery.

Continue reading
Recent Comments
Kathy
I found this video at just the perfect time, when I had once again confronted my husband about his recovery and once again feeling... Read More
Thursday, 13 April 2017 15:05
Chianna
Hi Lili! I'm new to this awesome outlet of support you've created on here. As I've become more familiar with your posts and videos... Read More
Sunday, 04 December 2016 00:59
2446 Hits
31 Comments

3 Simple Tools to Calm the Nervous System after Infidelity Discoveries, Triggers or Other Dysregulating Events

3 Simple Tools to Calm the Nervous System after Infidelity Discoveries, Triggers or Other Dysregulating Events

Anger, hopelessness, despair, panic, rage and other "dark" emotions can hijack our nervous systems whenever we are overwhelmed. Those who have struggled with betrayal trauma know this territory all too well.

Overwhelm can come due to a new discovery about our mates' secretive sexual behaviors, it can overtake us when we witness a natural disaster such as an earthquake, widfire or hurricane or it can be due to a political system in distress or transition, as what just happened here in the United States as well as recently in Britain.

I think it's worth taking note of, that no matter which half of the country (USA) one currently feels aligned with, that still leaves roughly half the population that is angry, feels resentful, disappointed, etc. In other words, there is a lot of activation in the environment, regardless of whether your side "won" or not, or whether you participated in voting or not.

The difficult fact is, we now live in a super-charged climate that has the ability to dysregulate our emotional systems whenever we have to interact with the outside world.

So how do we do that without insisting on isolating ourselves inside our own tribe of like-minded others?

Continue reading
3095 Hits
3 Comments

PoSARC Heart If you’ve read anything that inspired you here today, please consider making a small donation to keep this site up and running and free of annoying ads