POSA™ Blog

While men (and boys) are raised in a society, now a global society, thanks to the Internet, that not only accepts that they'll watch porn, but actually pushes it on them at every possible turn, superstar comedian Russell Brand came out speaking against it.

This is really important because Brand enjoys and benefits quite nicely from his bad-boy image and rock-star status out in the world, not just with girls and women but even amongst his huge "bro" following. To have taken the unnecessary (for him) and hugely unpopular position he took here, claiming that pornography harms us and makes him feel ashamed to use it for lots of reasons, was, plain and simple, an extremely brave move. I am very impressed.

Hello Dear Readers-

It's Tuesday in New York City and the mercury is headed back down towards the single digits again, so I thought that I'd share something warm, true and very precious that a dear friend in Germany sent me this morning. I think it's especially relevant for POSAs. It's worth passing along to anyone you know who needs a lift today, and to be reminded of some cardinal TRUTHS: 

Before I continue to post another installment of a popular feature about Lying and how to spot it, (look for it here this upcoming week) I wanted to announce another new Support Group for POSAs starting up next week in Shreveport, Louisiana.

I have full faith that this meeting will serve that community well because we've gotten a good deal of inquiry from partners in that area about when such a meeting might happen. Now, a woman who has strong organizational abilities and the desire to take on the leadership of a new meeting has approached us with the meeting details already set up and ready to go.

Congratulations to the Shreveport area for now being able to offer a safe space for sharing, support and kinship to partners in need!

For more information on this meeting, please e-mail: posa_shreveport@yahoo.com

One of the very many things my sex addict taught me in the years that followed Discovery was that there wasn't just oneflavor of lying, the necessary component that allows secretive behavior to flourish undetected- no, there was a sizable rainbow assortment I never even knew existed. Of course, this is hardly unique amongst sex addict/compulsives (SACs) in their dealings with their partners.

Over the years, I learned, as I'm sure a lot of readers here did, about the many nuances in all the different types of omissions, half-stories and complete fabrications, the gaslighting and the twists and turns involved in purposely manipulating another person's reality. I've read a lot of books on the character disturbed and their manipulative tactics (with lying being primary) but never imagined I'd actually enjoy reading anything on this onerous topic. Till now:

I am excited to extend an open-arms welcome to the two newest POSA Support Group meetings that have just become official …..in Cincinnati, Ohio and in West Sacramento, California!

I know that the partners of sex addicts in both Ohio and California worked diligently to get these meetings started and that both have the backing of some of their local area therapists to get the word out about these groups. It's an added bonus when therapists will help groups get publicized either by leaving a flyer in their waiting room or bulletin board, as well as informing any of their own clients for whom such a group may be appropriate.
I love hearing good collaboration success stories!

Thank you so much to all the PoSARC readers who texted and e-mailed yesterday to wish us well in New York as the Great Blizzard started blanketing the city in a huge snowfall.

New York's Governor issued our first-ever State of Emergency, with all public transportation stopped by 8pm and arrest penalties for any vehicles on the road after 11 pm. Seemed pretty serious!

E-mails poured in here from all over the country: Utah, New Mexico, Oregon, Southern California, Arizona, Ohio and more.....so instead of reporting that we are ok to everyone individually, I thought I'd send you all some postcards from Central Park one hour ago:

I have to thank a generous PoSARC reader in the Northwest for recently sending me a wonderful article titled: X is for X-Rated, which offered up some surprisingly fresh insights about the impact of pornography use on relationships with self and partners.

I don't normally link to outside blogs since I enjoy writing my own material here, but this article isn't one our readers will want to miss. Not only that, it's one you might want to share with your partner as well.

The writer, Zach Brittle, a couples therapist, deftly deconstructs the myths perpetuated by pornography use: the myth of perfection, the myth of ease, the myth of privacy and the myth of escape - and he does so in language that feels light yet substantive at the same time.

Once again, another intrepid POSA started her own free support group meeting in the Sonoma County area which I've heard has already grown to about 8 women, just by word of mouth from her and her therapist. Also, her therapist is part of small group practice and there is now an artful POSA Meeting flyer available for the other therapists and clients using that suite of offices.

I know these meetings can provide a lifeline back to reality and back to one's self....the self we were before the relational rupture of Discovery happened. And it can help to have a room full of what in Seminary was termed "Compassionate Witnesses" when we are in the early formation stages of creating our new lives after the old one has been shattered. Anyone who's ever gone through this trauma knows that nothing is ever the same after "D-Day". Who will 'hold' us and witness the we we are becoming?