POSA™ Blog

PoSARC or The Partners of Sex Addicts Resource Center educates, nurtures and helps partners work with the challenges of being coupled with a sexually deceptive, chronic cheater.

A Reader's Poem on the eve of her 16th Anniversary

Waiting for Divorce Papers on our 16th Anniversary

submitted by Sandy M.

We were cleaning up our game of checkers, our daughter beaming with pride as the conqueror, as you first laid eyes on your new conquest across the dark bar.

I slipped her Strawberry Shortcake nightgown over her head, as you discreetly slipped your wedding ring into your pocket.

"Come on sweetheart, let's go brush your teeth," I coaxed, as you flashed Her your most coaxing smile.

I looked into our daughter's beautiful brown eyes- your eyes- and talked about plans for the next day, as you looked into Her eyes- brown? blue? green? and planned your night with Her.

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Welcoming Ourselves Home

Welcoming Ourselves Home

Whether the betrayer is in our past or we are still wondering whether change is possible for them, this gorgeous poem written by Nobel prize- winning poet and playwright Derek Walcott (b. January 23, 1930—) feels tailor-made to give comfort to hurting partners. We offer it here to inspire you to stay the course of welcoming yourselves home.

LOVE AFTER LOVE

The time will come 

when, with elation, 

you will greet yourself arriving 

at your own door, in your own mirror,

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A Standing Ovation For All the Mothers Here

A Standing Ovation For All the Mothers Here

Mother's Day can be an especially sensitive holiday for women who have discovered their partners have chronically cheated on them. That pain becomes infinitely magnified if she is pregnant, or has young children with the man when she finds out.

The holiday itself seems correlated with being a mother in a nuclear family which, by design, usually includes a husband.
When the husband has violated his fidelity vow, it breaks the legacy of the intact family unit that Mother's Day alludes to and celebrates.

On a more personal level, the infidelity can deeply humiliate her, wounding her self-identity as a mother. Of course, the sad irony is that she is mother to his child.

It's embarrassing to admit this, but when I was very young and naive, I wouldn't have believed that cheating could happen when happily partnered couples then had a beautiful new baby.
I think I extrapolated that from the look of love on new parents' faces as they proudly wheeled their baby carriages through Central Park.

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I Watched You Walk Away From Me

I Watched You Walk Away From Me

One of our PoSARC readers shared that, for her, writing poetry helps her to become aware of and start processing through the agonizing realities of her life as a POSA. She has written many poems and sent quite a few to us; this is one of my favorites.

It captures one of the most painful aspects of his behavior that a wife can endure and evokes such stark elements found in nature.

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My Husband, The Photographer

My Husband, The Photographer
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A Poem for all my PoSA Sisters

A Poem for all my PoSA Sisters

A POSA who herself went through hell sent us this poem yesterday and I just fell in love with it, so it's being shared with all of you.

May it help you feel the treasure that is your own big, brave, survivor heart.
~ Lili

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His Mistress, Porn (A Reader Shares Her Story)

His Mistress, Porn (A Reader Shares Her Story)

"Melissa" wrote this short story as a gift for PoSARC readers so they wouldn't lose heart in this grueling process, especially if they are older and feel they are now truly stuck and without viable options. I know how very long this journey has been for her since D-Day (decades) and I bow to her tenacity to not give up on herself.

Melissa is a grandmother in her 60's and to me, she is a testament to the power of self-renewal. Most of all, I am inspired by her self-respect, a lesson we can all learn from no matter where in the process we find ourselves.

We are ALWAYS worth respecting, no matter who else is or isn't along for that journey.

Thank you for that reminder, Melissa!

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Wife's Letter To a Husband Who Chose Porn Over Her

Wife's Letter To a Husband Who Chose Porn Over Her

What this woman writes here about how her husband preferred pornography to her is not extraordinary. In fact her letter is one that so many women, tragically, could write. I myself could write it, as could the majority of PoSARC's readers.

What's noteworthy, however, is that it ran last week in the world's second most popular English-language online newspaper. The Guardian has more readers than even The New York Times does!

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