POSA™ Blog

What can you do when you are brave enough to share your story as the victim of infidelity, and you find that your friends and family don't believe you? Or, worse, blame you? Lili talks about how to cope when you feel like you're in a free fall.

Does this ring true for you?  Who has earned the right to hear your story?  Please let us know in the comments below.

I have to say, I am smiling ear to ear after reading the new Washington Post article: The Case for Banning Pornography

Instead of the cautious fence-straddling approach taken by most journalists who dare to even take on the subject, journalist and editor Matthew Schmitz courageously charges right into territory normally so defended by aggressive pornography apologists that even the hardiest of journalists have had to don armor in order to write about it in the mainstream press.

Mr. Schmitz invites his Washington Post readers to retire the old "freedom of speech" trope in defense of pornography use (right, because there's so much speech to protect in pornography) and to actually- gasp— have us consider seriously the misogyny inherent in pornography! I think I might be in love, but I digress. 

Mother's Day can be an especially sensitive holiday for women who have discovered their partners have chronically cheated on them. That pain becomes infinitely magnified if she is pregnant, or has young children with the man when she finds out.

The holiday itself seems correlated with being a mother in a nuclear family which, by design, usually includes a husband.
When the husband has violated his fidelity vow, it breaks the legacy of the intact family unit that Mother's Day alludes to and celebrates.

On a more personal level, the infidelity can deeply humiliate her, wounding her self-identity as a mother. Of course, the sad irony is that she is mother to his child.

It's embarrassing to admit this, but when I was very young and naive, I wouldn't have believed that cheating could happen when happily partnered couples then had a beautiful new baby.
I think I extrapolated that from the look of love on new parents' faces as they proudly wheeled their baby carriages through Central Park.

One of the impacts of working one-on-one with POSAs, or partners of "sex addicts" is that not much about extreme sexual (mis)behavior shocks me very much any more. That's not to say I don't find it heartbreaking each time I hear about it from clients; I most certainly do. But I'm not that often surprised.

Imagine, then, that an article on sexuality in The New York Times should leave me so astounded. Here's the title of the article from yesterday's paper:

More Teenage Girls Seeking Genital Cosmetic Surgery

For those who may not know (and I envy you), genital cosmetic surgery is also called vaginal rejuvenation surgery, a procedure that some women have sought to tighten vaginal muscles and reshape their labia after having children. From an acquaintance who has had this procedure performed, she shared with me that it is extremely painful, a fact downplayed by many surgeons who perform it.

This article, however, isn't addressing the elective surgical preferences of mature women. It is talking about surgical requests of girls 18 and under.
Let's let that sink in for a moment.

Walking the few blocks from my home to where Gloria Steinem was going to be speaking this past Wednesday evening, I was positively giddy. Finally, I was going to meet a favorite heroine of mine, a woman who has advanced women's social equality in America and throughout the world for over four decades now. How privileged I felt to have a little private time with this pioneer whose courage to speak out against injustices to females has inspired me for as long as I can recall.

While I was at a private reception waiting to meet her, I thought about what I might learn tonight that could prove inspiring and useful to partners of sex addicts. I will share those gems in this post.

An hour after I arrived, we met. I had read interviewers describing her as approachable, affable and warm (not to mention intelligent, funny, wise) and nothing could be more accurate. With keen interest, she listened as I shared with her my concern about the increasing riptide of pornography, the glorification of prostitution and the resulting destruction we are witnessing.
And that it was happening despite (or, because of) the gains made by a movement she was so hugely influential in.
We talked about helping women know they have the right to say "no" to it, particularly challenging for young women growing up now within this ever-more-pornified culture. "No" doesn't feel like a viable option for them.

The 2016 United States Election year is well underway. The primaries are long and arduous and they began earlier than usual this year.

It's difficult not to cringe when certain political candidates (who shall not be named) reflexively manipulate, bully, deflect, insult and gas-light anyone blocking their path towards procuring votes and #hashtags of fame. We now unfortunately live in a world where charismatic men are often pardoned for being obnoxious and cruel to their colleagues, and even to those they claim to 'love'.

Please be aware, we are not targeting specific political positions taken by any one candidate; we respect everyone's right to choose here. What we are doing is identifying egregious behavior, language and personality features that, because of their familiarity to us, have the potential to be highly triggering of the post-traumatic stress disorder that so many partners live with.

1.) Because if you are of the population who likes their holidays to have actual religious or historical significance, it might concern you that it's ridiculously impossible to get consensus on the true origin of this holiday.

Between accounts that claim it's a liturgical holiday celebrating the martyrdom of Christian saints, and much earlier pagan history of licentious behaviors occurring on February 13-15, and medieval claims that St. Valentine did not even have any romantic connotations until Chaucer's poetry about "Valentines" in the 14th century... and too numerous a list of other historical claims, legends and folklore from around the world all laying claims to originating this holiday, the research will leave you exhausted and wishing it were Easter already.

Yes, Valentine's Day is a hybridized holiday if ever there was one.

Which basically means -- it was created to encourage shopping (see #2, below):

Please contact the POSA who is starting this meeting at: CentralMEPOSA@mail.com for more details.

Congratulations, Maine! You now have your first POSA Meeting!

* A note: If you are interested in finding out about support groups in your own area, please check our list of meetings first before contacting us- Thanks!)