Articles We Love

Porn & Pop Culture: A Deadly Combination (by Lexie Kite)
http://www.beautyredefined.net/porn-pop-culture-a-deadly-combination/

This website, created by two 25-year old twin sisters is worth a visit --and--this article articulates the whole beauty trap girls and women are lured into. Especially good educational site for teens/ young women who face enormous societal pressures to conform to impossible and unrealistic "ideals" of beauty.

Your Brain On Porn (by Marnia Robinson & Gary Wilson)
http://yourbrainonporn.com/

This non-commercial website features the basics of brain science and how porn addiction "happens". Simple to comprehend, (no small feat when discussing neuroscience), the youtube series of video clips was compiled and delivered by a science teacher in the most down-to-earth manner/ tone of voice. Makes me wish everyone got him as their science teacher back in the 6th grade! Also helpful are his reminders that shame and guilt only exacerbate and amplify the "charge" to the brain when viewing porn. This sends a note of caution since many/ most porn users do feel guilty when viewing it. Elsewhere, the teacher asserts that porn-viewing males are even "programmed" by their evolutionary biology to become addicted. This might have the effect of liberating the porn user from the crippling type of shame that causes resignation, hopelessness and therefore, resistance to ever seeking treatment.

The Porn Myth: How Porn Turns Men Off the Real Thing (by Naomi Wolf)
http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/trends/n_9437/

How Pornography Destroys Lives (by Pamela Paul)
http://www.beliefnet.com/News/2005/10/How-Porn-Destroys-Lives.aspx

Whatever Controls Your Attention Controls You
http://newlifehabits.com/2007/07/30/whatever-controls-your-attention-controls-you/

How Porn Is Affecting the Libido of the American Male (by Davy Rothbart)
http://nymag.com/news/features/70976/

How Porn Can Ruin Your Sex Life and Your Marriage (by Gary Wilson & Marnia Robinson, for The Good Men Project)
http://goodmenproject.com/health/how-porn-can-ruin-your-sex-life-and-your-marriage/

From a Human Sciences teacher and fully backed by empirical data/ research, this enlightening article explains in simple-enough terms WHY porn is so addictive and how it so stealthily undercuts primary pair-bonding. (Reading the Comment thread which follows includes many "extra" links to fascinating research and related articles. The Comment thread will show you just how passionately many male readers of this article defend their porn use.
-- Lili

How to Spot a Narcissist (by Scott Barry Kaufman for Psychology Today)
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201106/how-spot-narcissist

"This great article is a must-read for anyone puzzled as to how they ended up with a sexual compulsive. While not all SACs are narcissists, so many are that we feel this article should be a mandatory PoSA read. As the article points out, narcissism is within everyone; it exists on a continuum. But it's helpful to see roughly where on the continuum your partner (or ex) falls. From there, action can be taken to protect yourself, get out if that's part of your plan, and protect yourself from a SAC in your future.
Many sections deal with the way the narcissist exploits the opposite sex for short-term sexual gain, and why. Towards the end of the piece, the caveat is made abundantly clear: you cannot change one of these people. They don't want to change; they think they're ahead of the curve.
You can save yourself a lot of money in therapy bills, heartache and precious time gleaning that truth from the article."
-- Lili

Are You a Controlling Shrew if You Don’t Want Your Partner Using Porn?
Hugo Schwyzer is a contributing writer at www.GoodMenProject.com, a website that's published my own articles as well (Lili). This piece argues that the partner has equal say in whether their partner uses porn or not. Dispense with the side-taking or polarizing arguments about porn use in relationships, this article lays it on the line in a very clear voice: both sides have equal say but NO one gets to pathologize their partner for not wanting to be in a relationship where porn is being used.
It's especially powerful because it's written from a married man's perspective. Read this when you need to be reminded that there ARE indeed men out there who "get it" about a person's right to participate in a relationship that honors both parties' values equally.
––Lili