POSA™ Blog

PoSARC or The Partners of Sex Addicts Resource Center educates, nurtures and helps partners work with the challenges of being coupled with a sexually deceptive, chronic cheater.

What Can We Do about the Amplification of Misogyny?

What Can We Do about the Amplification of Misogyny?

Many of us today feel that we are witnessing the true underbelly of our country's deep misogyny, racism and bigotry. Many of us believe that we are indeed living in a good ole boy's club, much as we might have fantasized that we were actually living in a progressive melting pot.

Most importantly, many of us in the past months have felt that we are witnessing toxic masculinity at it's worst, something that every reader here has been exposed to in a most personal way- in their own relationships with men who engage in narcissistic sexual pursuits outside their primary commitments. NAMING it is an essential first step towards our healing.

Many women who have come in or written to us today are in utter despair. But it's important to remember:

We as women aren't going ANYWHERE.
If anything, we will use any divisiveness we encounter, any infringement on our rights as women, any reinforcement of the worst gender stereotypes....as steels against which we will sharpen ourselves. There is much work ahead of us. 

Let's focus on what we can do to heal our deeply divided nation, no matter which side we stand on.

Yesterday I wrote about Dr. Ann Olivarius, an extraordinary attorney committed to legally defending the rights of those the pornography industry crushes.

Right afterward, I received much personal e-mail from women who were inspired to do something, to act on the belief that we are being chewed up by a hateful patriarchal mindset that encourages men to behave horribly without consequences.

We WILL act. Starting tomorrow, I will be posting a piece I'm working on tonight about how to work with grief, rage and shock trauma so you can use your emotions to help you do the important work you are here to do. So stay tuned…..

And as we like to say here: KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE


In Solidarity, Lili Bee
Founder, PoSARC 


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Comments 5

Guest - trish on Sunday, 13 November 2016 14:47

That is part of the problem "toxic masculinity at its worst. The biggest part , I feel it is the worst , For us as women-- Why and I say why do so many women put up with husbands and man friends being toxic towards women? Drip by drip ,and most women just turn their heads. Stay and put up with this nasty crap. Drip by drip the tv shows keep getting sexier and with more sexual talk. Drip by drip the exposure to women as sexual objects. No wonder men are being taken into this dark side with much confusion, starting at a very young age. Come on women, all of you, we need to rise up fast and put a stop to this ASAP. We all complain and most of us are in utter despair. And full of resentment and pain. Well ladies what we have to do is rise up. I have sisters and friends that say "oh well , he just looks at porn sometimes. " What????
No, no. no. It should be never. Come on girls let's get it together. And stop this, all of it-- for good. And it is not the President's job. It is our work to be done. We do not have enough strength because we are putting up with the drips!

That is part of the problem "toxic masculinity at its worst. The biggest part , I feel it is the worst , For us as women-- Why and I say why do so many women put up with husbands and man friends being toxic towards women? Drip by drip ,and most women just turn their heads. Stay and put up with this nasty crap. Drip by drip the tv shows keep getting sexier and with more sexual talk. Drip by drip the exposure to women as sexual objects. No wonder men are being taken into this dark side with much confusion, starting at a very young age. Come on women, all of you, we need to rise up fast and put a stop to this ASAP. We all complain and most of us are in utter despair. And full of resentment and pain. Well ladies what we have to do is rise up. I have sisters and friends that say "oh well , he just looks at porn sometimes. " What???? No, no. no. It should be never. Come on girls let's get it together. And stop this, all of it-- for good. And it is not the President's job. It is our work to be done. We do not have enough strength because we are putting up with the drips!
Guest - Anonymous on Thursday, 10 November 2016 06:40

I would rather post here than fb due to the topic and not wanting everyone and their everyone... Even though I have liked your Posarc page. I don't want everyone I know, to know to know my personal life as a wide of a S.A. I reserve this information for trusted people in my life. My H is in recovery and doing well. I'm proud of his efforts and accomplishments. Sober 18 months. My recovery is also doing well, our marriage is healing and coming back from 2 separations and near divorce. With all of this said, I am deeply disturbed by the outcome of the election. I agree with you Lili. I feel people who easily dismiss the issue of misogyny miss the point completely, calling it a feminist agenda. I'm sad for our country. I was raised and taught to live with and dismiss this type of behavior. I know better now!! I'm embarrassed for our country. I'm not denying there are serious problems which need to be addressed. I'm all for getting $ out of politics, and healing our corrupt government system. I wish this type of behavior wasn't rewarded by being elected POTUS. Speaking from the wife of a S.A. for 25 years and also being sexually abused by my father it's difficult for me to respect a man who does not deserve it. I read this to my H. He gets it! I'm grateful for that. :)

I would rather post here than fb due to the topic and not wanting everyone and their everyone... Even though I have liked your Posarc page. I don't want everyone I know, to know to know my personal life as a wide of a S.A. I reserve this information for trusted people in my life. My H is in recovery and doing well. I'm proud of his efforts and accomplishments. Sober 18 months. My recovery is also doing well, our marriage is healing and coming back from 2 separations and near divorce. With all of this said, I am deeply disturbed by the outcome of the election. I agree with you Lili. I feel people who easily dismiss the issue of misogyny miss the point completely, calling it a feminist agenda. I'm sad for our country. I was raised and taught to live with and dismiss this type of behavior. I know better now!! I'm embarrassed for our country. I'm not denying there are serious problems which need to be addressed. I'm all for getting $ out of politics, and healing our corrupt government system. I wish this type of behavior wasn't rewarded by being elected POTUS. Speaking from the wife of a S.A. for 25 years and also being sexually abused by my father it's difficult for me to respect a man who does not deserve it. I read this to my H. He gets it! I'm grateful for that. :)
Guest - No agenda here please on Thursday, 10 November 2016 02:51

The election was about greater issues than misogyny and feminism. Not to minimize the suffering we have experienced, but the election was about greater, more immediate priorities and cannot be oversimplified to only feminist, progressive agenda.

The election was about greater issues than misogyny and feminism. Not to minimize the suffering we have experienced, but the election was about greater, more immediate priorities and cannot be oversimplified to only feminist, progressive agenda.
Guest - M on Monday, 09 January 2017 16:58

Hi Guest,
I think that 2 months later, it is clear that opposing what DT stands for is beyond just a feminist, progressive agenda. The mainstream, even the Rockettes and country music stars, are standing against what this man ultimately stands for--the denegration of human beings--even if he may have priorities and policies that some Americans like you value. We cannot allow someone to degrade our humanity, and that of others, even if we like what he is going to do in other arenas.
Those of us who have seen a culture of misogyny destroy our lives, cannot bury our heads in the sand.

Hi Guest, I think that 2 months later, it is clear that opposing what DT stands for is beyond just a feminist, progressive agenda. The mainstream, even the Rockettes and country music stars, are standing against what this man ultimately stands for--the denegration of human beings--even if he may have priorities and policies that some Americans like you value. We cannot allow someone to degrade our humanity, and that of others, even if we like what he is going to do in other arenas. Those of us who have seen a culture of misogyny destroy our lives, cannot bury our heads in the sand.
Guest - Terre Spencer on Thursday, 10 November 2016 09:44

Dear Guest,

I know that you have been trained to see all issues related to women as secondary to "bigger issues." All women are. The reality is that our material lives. our existence, IS a bigger issue than the ones that political parties focus upon.

You are important. Each of us is important. That is not "progressive" fanciful ideology. That is material reality. If you cannot connect the dots between a rapist president elect's misogyny, then the constructs you still accept as true and safe are blocking the reality-based evidence of the importance of women's lives.

Misogyny destroys women. It hurts us in one thousand ways every day. It is the disappointment of not being a son at birth, the lack of encouragement and mentoring growing up, the withheld portions and financial renumeration all through life, the expectations (internal and external), that we constantly sacrifice for others, the lifelong betrayals by men and the theft of never having a real life upon our deaths. For starters.

That matters. All those losses and injuries matter. I hope that if you ever grasp this that you have a very supportive environment, because the pain is so gripping that it feels like death is kinder than another second of seeing the reality of one's own life in the misogynistic patriarchy that we are immersed in.

In the most profound sisterhood.

Dear Guest, I know that you have been trained to see all issues related to women as secondary to "bigger issues." All women are. The reality is that our material lives. our existence, IS a bigger issue than the ones that political parties focus upon. You are important. Each of us is important. That is not "progressive" fanciful ideology. That is material reality. If you cannot connect the dots between a rapist president elect's misogyny, then the constructs you still accept as true and safe are blocking the reality-based evidence of the importance of women's lives. Misogyny destroys women. It hurts us in one thousand ways every day. It is the disappointment of not being a son at birth, the lack of encouragement and mentoring growing up, the withheld portions and financial renumeration all through life, the expectations (internal and external), that we constantly sacrifice for others, the lifelong betrayals by men and the theft of never having a real life upon our deaths. For starters. That matters. All those losses and injuries matter. I hope that if you ever grasp this that you have a very supportive environment, because the pain is so gripping that it feels like death is kinder than another second of seeing the reality of one's own life in the misogynistic patriarchy that we are immersed in. In the most profound sisterhood.
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