The learning curve for partners finding out about their mate's deceptive sexual behaviors is steep indeed.
When we stop and consider all that a partner has to learn just to survive the betrayal trauma, it's rather staggering. Then, generating all of what's necessary to move from barely surviving to finally entering more ease and well-being, however long that takes, it should be enough to invoke awe in anyone privy to that partner's experience.
As I contemplated all this today after a client's session finished here,
I thought about how far this client had come and how much grace she had acquired after learning how to survive in the hostile territory that her husband's repeated betrayals and manipulations had landed her in.
I got to thinking how fortunate I was to witness her soul-deepening process.
It hasn't been even a tiny bit easy for her; partners stories never are.
The more partners I'm privileged to know and work with, the more respect I have for the immense power of this terrible journey that plunges us unwillingly, down into our own private hell-realm and then eventually (and fortunately), back up to the surface, our now-wiser selves emerging as from the ashes.
This Thanksgiving I want to broaden my awe to every single partner who is out there reading this. And don't forget to thank yourself for being resourceful and engaged in your own seeking for answers and help- you deserve your own praise for your self-preservation instincts.
I am grateful every day for women's innate strength, that even when they are falling apart, they instinctively seem to know that hunkering down helps while they wait for next steps to become visible. Even if the only clear next step is to call a friend, read a book, make some tea, pray, or go for a walk in an area of natural beauty.
And if next steps seem impossible to find, I would like to offer this reminder in calming down our jangled nerves and allowing some peace of mind to find us:
Remember Fred Rogers from the children's TV show, "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood" which aired from1968 until 2001?
He was originally trained as a Presbyterian minister but chose instead to educate children in his very patient, compassionate style. Here's what he would tell them to calm their fears:
"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping'. To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother's words and am comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world."
I invite you to remember Fred Roger's words of comfort for the frightened child that can live in each of us. Seeking out "helpers" will not only help us to weather the difficulties but will restore our faith in humanity.
I give thanks to all our helpers here at PoSARC, without whom we wouldn't have a website.
Thank you so much JM, GJ, CK and TS!
In the spirit of our national holiday tomorrow, I give thanks for all of you, our loyal PoSARC readers and helpers out in the world, who continue to inspire us with your eagerness to keep learning and asking questions...and for your ongoing courage to persevere.
Now it's your turn- what are you thankful for this Thanksgiving? What "helpers" have you been able to spot and what have they helped you to realize?
Please share with our readers in the Comments section below:
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Photo Credit: www.BradOliphantPhotography